The Fountain of Blood

painting by Francois du Nombe

Sometimes I feel my blood is spilling out
in sobs, the way a fountain overflows.
I know I hear it, sighing as it goes,
and search my flesh, but cannot find the wound;

it turns the stones to archipelagos,
as if the city were a battleground,
slaking the thirst of every living thing
and dyeing all the world of nature red.

How often have I called for wine to drug,
if only for a day, this wasting fear -
my ears grow sharp on wine, my eyes grow clear!

In love I've sought an hour's oblivion -
but love to me is a pallet stuffed with pins
that drains away my blood for whores to drink!

- Charles Baudelaire

The title comes from Charles Baudelaire's poetry book Les Fleurs du Mal. I was given this book before I left France from a good friend of mine. Without knowing what it was, she gently said with a smile, "Keep it." leaving me without proper words. The book itself seemed magical. The paper was worn out, yellowed, dry, with the sleeves and cover page almost being torn apart only to be held together by a rubber band, and the words seemed like it jumped out of the page. It looked like an ancient artifact in papyrus, tucked away inside a locked chest and only to be read from a select few. When I opened it, the book contained grim poetry from themes such as black hearts, vampires, death, to Satan. I promised myself I would treasure the book in my library, since it was a special gift.

The world is cold. What a joy; For I am cursed!

Walter (Wendy) Carlos - Theme from A Clockwork Orange
Isao Tomita - Mussourgsky's Night on Bald Mountain
Kaleidoscope - The Murder of Lewis Tollani
Squarepusher - Rinse (137)
Aphex Twin - Hy A Scullyas Lyf A Dhagro

"The devil's despair is the most intense despair, for the devil is sheer spirit, and therefore absolute consciousness and transparency; in the devil there is no obscurity which serve as a mitigating excuse, his despair is therefore absolute defiance." - Kierkegaard